Senior Bar Crawl
An Ode to Carbs
Carbohydrates, I salute the way carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen comes together, not only forming a ring-shaped structure, but providing a basis for some of life’s most magical creations in the realm of food. Like life, you are both simple and complex. Through trial and error, humanity has experimented with your endless possibilities, bringing us delicious food options, all while supplying the necessary energy our bodies need to continue enjoying your existence. Through the ages, you have stood the test of time, facing both discrimination and admiration, yet continuing to prove your true purpose.
Thank you bread, the mother of carbohydrates, for absorbing my tears in times of turmoil and sadness, but also giving me that extra spring in my step when kneaded.
Thank you pasta, if I had a penne for all the different types of pastas I love, I would be wealthy in more ways than one.
Thank you pizza, you truly taught me that there are endless possibilities in life. My love for you is like a circle—endless.
Thank you potatoes, your eyes so hypnotic, whether you are baked, cubed, mashed, scalloped, or fried, my love for you will never discriminate.
To me, your true worth will never be determined by the kilocalories per gram, or even your glycemic index, but by the satisfaction of my belly.
Carbohydrates, you are the gasoline to my car, the essential fuel I need to continue on with a happy and healthy lifestyle.
Thank you carbohydrates. I love you.
The Chronicles of Day Drinking: ADUlt Swim
Check it.
-Soberphobics.
Dear OU (of Ohio),
Dear OU (of Ohio),
I, along with my housemates and a few other concerned students in Oxford, would like to send our deepest condolences to your University as a whole. Last week it was brought to our attention that your unfortunate city of Athens, Ohio celebrated a Green Beer Day in an attempt to undermine one of the most epic, long-standing college drinking traditions in the country: Green Beer Day, founded in Oxford at Miami University in 1952. It is quite unfortunate that most of the undergraduate experiences are spent coming up with one lame party after the next. Green Beer Day? Could you have thought of anything less original? At least it was moved to Wednesday. As for the Fests, I’m sure those are a blast but they’re all named after sad numbers and boring streets. What is even more disappointing about your Green Beer Day is that you thought yours could be done better than ours. This is where I regret to inform you that your little party was nothing compared to what will be unfolding here in Oxford in the next few days. Not sure why this act of unoriginality came as a surprise, nothing more should be expected from a University on the decline. Point is last Wednesday meant nothing; it was a small blip on the radar of St. Paddy’s Day related festivities. Maybe next time you guys can hold a brainstorming session and come up with something that suits your style better, maybe something a little more trashy (Mill Fest, maybe?) We’ll forgive you this time and if you need help planning a rager that is on the level Green Beer Day then I’ll have my people get in touch with your people, just email me the trailer number.
Sincerely, The Concerned Students in Oxford
Article from The Post (Athens, Ohio) which prompted my post. http://www.thepostathens.com/culture/green-beer-day-ou-s-alternative-to-st-patty-s/article_dded5d58-c825-11e4-bba6-fb5e69ef4cc3.html
*Submitted by a contributing Drunken Undergrad writer
Winter Wonderland in Oxvegas
A Letter to my Little
My dearest little,
It has officially been one year since I met you for the first time, on a day that wasn’t my best. You were quiet at first but your soft words were so genuine; you were a complete stranger yet I felt connected to you somehow. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason; God has a plan for me, for you, and for everyone else, but on that day he knew I needed someone—that person was you.
You came at a time when I felt disconnected from everything: my friends, my classes, my sorority, and myself. I was beyond ecstatic when I found out I was going to be your big, I was finally going to have someone to craft for and to spoil. Of course I stalked you so I could plan the perfect big/little week but nothing was as great as when I saw you holding your sock looking for the matching one on reveal night. We were still very new to each other but as the weeks went on, we talked more, texted occasionally and even went on a froyo date. I’m sure it didn’t seem like much of anything at the time but it honestly meant everything to me.
It’s hard to believe it has been a year but looking back it’s amazing to see how far we’ve come. It is true that you are my little, but more importantly you are my best friend and the little sister I never had. I would like to think I serve as a great big or role model but I never thought about how much you would inspire me. I talk about you all the time and everyone is probably sick of hearing me brag but I just can’t help it. You are strong, intelligent, and a committed leader that is not only an essential piece to my life puzzle, but an essential piece our sorority’s puzzle as well. Time and time again I have watched you excel in everything and you never seem to disappoint.
So thank you little; thank you for keeping me sane, texting me when I need it most, always liking my Instagram pictures, and always reminding me that we know how to play the game better than others. You are my rock, my little blessing in disguise. Thank you for being you and for always loving me back.
Forever,
Biggie
20 Reasons Why Winter on Campus is the Worst
Most universities have started up their “spring” semester or will be by next Monday. On the other hand, you may go to a very unique college which gave you the option to start class on January 3rd and finish on January 24th right before the long semester begins. That’s right, you can take one or two 3 credit classes and finish in a short 3 weeks (if you’re brave). If you choose not to take classes then that just means you get an extra long break to stay home or move back to campus and do absolutely nothing but relax and occasionally work (like me). Whether you are taking classes during this time or are just hanging out it still sucks to be on campus in the middle of winter, especially in the ridiculous state we live in. Let me tell you why…
1.) I have all of this free time and have no idea what to do with it, especially since I don’t work until 10pm every night.
2.) The rec is in walking distance and this is the perfect time to get rid of that “winter chub” but it’s so cold outside and I don’t feel like getting bundled up like the kid in A Christmas Story.
3.) Actually, the rec is kinda far and I could totally drive but my car is frozen and I locked my keys in the car…again (AAA is my bff)
4.) Since I have nothing to do I am the DD. Not the kind that drives around intoxicated individuals but the kind that wakes up and takes everyone to class or picks them up so they don’t have to walk in the frozen tundra.
5.) I have fallen on my ass…twice.
6.) I am at a constant battle between whether I’m hungry or if I’m just bored. It’s usually both.
7.) I can’t decide if I want to be warm or if I want to take a loan out for my bill next month. Lots and lots of blankets.
8.) I have started four different shows on Netflix. Binge watching is real, it should be a national concern. My life feels out of control. Just kidding…but seriously.
9.) Everything on/off campus has weird hours because not everyone is back yet. Is it really too much for Starbucks to stay open an extra two hours? I think not.
10.) Going out is a struggle: heels = icy slippery death, dress = frostbite, yoga pants/sweatshirt combo = “you look like a bum”.
11.) My friends are so close yet so far away. No one wants to leave their house so we all just stay cozy in our own areas. It’s not that bad but it gets kind of lonely (I’m also just extremely lazy).
12.) Class is never really canceled, just delayed, but the delay ends right before your first class starts so it doesn’t even affect you at all. That’s the best. Or not.
13.) Every time I want to order food no one is delivering because the roads are too bad but I’m not getting in the car either. Hmmm. Wonder what I have in the freezer that’s edible…
14.) I have seen the same wintery perfect snow picture of our campus 1,000 times on Instagram and Facebook. We all know we have the most gorgeous campus.
15.) Drive-thru’s are impossible because my windows are constantly frozen shut.
16.) I never know what time it is. Oh, it’s 17:00? Honestly thought it was midnight…
17.) When I do decided to venture outside, it always ends with snow in my gloves, pants, and down my back. Oh joy.
18.) Everyone is sick. I’m sorry but if you are sick please take care of yourself and get better, no need to spread it around campus.
19.) Only 5 of the usual 9 roommates are here which means that the bills for this month are doubled. Boooo.
20.) I have become emotionally attached to my bed. This is going to be rough when I actually have to get up and go to class.
(Original picture of snow art: http://www.961kiss.com/onair/freak-show-page-2-46994/university-of-miami-ohio-makes-giant-11904615/)
The Official Frat Star Application
To the Buckeye Bullies,
This is awesome.
Uptown Nutrition
I know I am not the only one who will order a drink uptown and not think twice about what I’m putting in my system because (1) I don’t really care what’s in it, and (2) it’s alcohol, does it really have calories? Unfortunately, people tend to ignore the nutritional content in the alcoholic beverages they’re consuming throughout the week and on the weekends because no one ones to be a buzz kill and tell you that too many trashcans will make you fat. This usually results in an excessive amount of alcohol consumed and empty calories that offer absolutely no nutritional value. I took some of the most popular drinks consumed and calculated their nutritional information to better help people understand what exactly they’re putting in their bodies.
1.) Mindprobe
Number of “standard drinks”: 4
Calories: 475 kcals
Sugars: 24 g
Carbs: 25 g
2.) Trashcan
Number of “standard drinks”: 4
Calories: 430 kcals
Carbs: 58.5 g
Sugar: 57 g
Sodium 8 mg
3.) Margarita (46 oz- you know, the big ass one from La Piñata
Number of “standard drinks”: 6
Calories: 742kcals
Carbs: 34g
Fiber: 1g
Sodium 2826 mg
Sugars: 22g
4.) Lemon Drop (shot)
Number of “standard drinks”: 1
Calories: 65kcals
Carbs: 4g
Sugars: 4g
5.) Whiskey Coke (single)
Number of “standard drinks”: 1
Calories: 189kcals
Carbs: 26g
Sodium: 29mg
Sugars: 26g
6.) Redskin
Number of “standard drinks”: 4
Calories: 450kcals
Carbs: 25g
Sugars: 24g
7.) Vodka Redbull (single)
Number of “standard drinks”: 1
Calories: 207kcals
Carbs: 27g
Sugars: 27g
Sodium: 100mg
8.) Long Island Iced Tea
Number of “standard drinks”: 2.5
Calories: 334kcals
Sodium: 131mg
Carbs: 40g
Sugar: 40g
9.) O-Bomb
Number of “standard drinks”: 1
Calories: 86kcals
Carbs: 7
Sugars: 10
10.) Liquid Cocaine (shot)
Number of “standard drinks”: 1.5
Calories: 104kcals
Carbs: 11g
Sugar: 11g
11.) Nasty Natty (pitcher style as seen at BTC and Broken)
Number of “standard drinks”: 4
Calories: 380kcals
Carbs: 12.8g
Sodium: 36g
Protein: 2.8g (That’s definitely enough for the day, right?)
The Drunken Undergrad 